Dress by Isabella Oliver Maternity
So here it finally was – the big 4-0 – goodbye thirties – hello forties. Whichever way I think about it ’40’ just sounds so terribly ‘grown up’. I remember celebrating my Mum’s 40th birthday VERY clearly, so where have the last 21 years gone and how did I get to such a ‘sensible’ age so quickly??!
As kids we can’t wait to be another year older. I remember growing up felt like it took an eternity, so keen was I to experience independence and the world beyond. Yet as a grown up time seems to speed up and it barely feels like we’ve finished celebrating one birthday before it’s on to the next.
My thirties have been overall a pretty good decade. Gone were the follies of my more youthful twenties in which I travelled, lived away from home for the first time amongst the buzz of London life, drank a lot in countless trendy South London bars and enjoyed a fairly good commission cheque at the end of each month in my job in recruitment. I met my husband in my mid twenties. Money was spent on rent, nights out, holidays and clothes and the good times continued to roll. Life was pretty straight forward. I felt grown up and loved the freedom that my twenties gave me. But it was not without its drawbacks.
As a person I was still evolving. I was naturally more selfish and more impulsive. I was more likely to speak my mind but lacked the grace and diplomacy that naturally developed as I matured in my thirties. I was less confident and worried more about what people thought. This continued into my early thirties.
By my mid thirties I was married, we owned our first home and our first child was born. Becoming a mother was a very grounding experience and gave me a new sense of joy and fulfilment that I had never known until that moment. I honestly think being a mother made me a better person. I developed a deeper understanding of my own parents love for me and what unconditional love really felt like. It taught me greater patience, empathy and made me feel more content.
My years between 34 and 40 may have been in many respects the hardest in terms of raising a young family. It has brought new stresses including sleepless nights, increased financial responsibility, less time for myself and learning how to deal with the evolving needs and demands of young children. I have also in this time built up my career as a photographer which despite being a passion that has helped me at times keep my sanity(!) it has also naturally added pressure to what is already the most demanding time of my life so far.
All that said, these are also the years I have felt my most complete. I have enjoyed new friendships with fellow mums who also experience the highs (and lows) of parenthood. Many a bad day at ‘the office’ have been mutually soothed away with an understanding ear, a mug of tea and biscuits (or in extreme cases a glass of wine!). These are the women I have laughed with on the good days and who have been there to listen on the occasional bad days.
At 40, I have a stronger sense of self, am calmer and more confident than I was in my twenties and early thirties. I still feel young but have the benefit of life experience and am wiser as a result. When the big day arrived, I greeted it initially with mixed feelings but on reflection realise that 40 is just a number, a marker as to where you’re at on your journey in life and age is a state of mind!
I celebrated my 30th birthday in a swanky bar in London surrounded by friends. It was exciting but like Cinderella, was forced to make my exit at midnight after being politely asked to leave for being too drunk (I blame all my kind friends for plying me with cocktails!). I was ‘unwell’ right outside the bar entrance in front of a queue of alarmed customers and whilst slumped on the floor in a ball of shame was brought a bucket of soapy water and a sponge to give myself a ‘refreshing wash’ with. I was so embarrassed I mistook this generous act of kindness by the sympathetic staff member and started scrubbing the pavement on my hands and knees to remove the evidence of my drunkenness whilst sobbing how ‘sorry’ I was for getting in such a state in the first place.
After finally finding a taxi that would take us, Brett and I arrived home to realise we had picked up the wrong set of keys and so were locked out. We had to sit on our chilly doorstep for a further two hours whilst waiting for our friends to turn up from our ‘great party’ (one of whom lived locally and thankfully had a spare key)! I woke up feeling pretty miserable and pretty sorry for myself and to think I had actually given Brett a lecture before we went out about ‘pacing himself’ with the alcohol!
Fast forward ten years and my 40th birthday was also celebrated in a swanky restaurant and bar but this time in Tunbridge Wells. I knew my chance of a repeat performance from my 30th was zero due to the fact I have only just recovered from the shame and being six months pregnant certainly put the breaks on even getting tipsy! It was a brilliant night, surrounded by old friends and new and a great way to start my forties. I still woke up feeling a little like I’d had a night on the sauce (probably due to flicking the hotel room light off at 3 a.m. – not great when pregnant) but took comfort in the fact I had actually seen my party through this time and hopefully without much to feel embarrassed about!
I read this quote recently which made me smile:
‘I believe the second half of one’s life is meant to be better than the first. The first half is finding out how you do it and the second half is enjoying it’. – Frances Lear.
